Grandparents

A discussion today on geriatric medicine reminded me of my grandparents. They live in Queens, and my grandfather, who suffered a stroke several years ago, is currently in a long-term nursing home. I feel terrible about not visiting them often enough, especially my grandfather who feels trapped in the institution. They don't let him out - he has trouble walking so he's wheelchair bound now. Last time I saw him, he so desperately wanted to go outside - he begged me to wheel him to a window so he could look outside and requested over and over again to take him outside. This is a person who used to walk daily to purchase newspapers, one who valued his independence. I feel his current debilitated state could have been avoided, and it was partially my fault he ended up where he is now.

I've seen dramatic recoveries from strokes, cardiac arrests/myocardial infarcts. All of them had one thing in common - a very strong family support structure. Those they recovered often had strong-willed family members not just over seeing their treatment, but also encouraging the patients to ambulate early, and more importantly, take them home and have them heal there.

My grandfather, on the other hand, lacked such a strong support structure. I was too selfish to help him, focusing instead on my studies. His daughter was living in the area, but thought it was better/easier to have him recover at a long-term rehab facility. I've seen the conditions of these facilities, though. It's not that the building itself is in poor condition, it's that the workers are often over-worked, under-paid, and most importantly, many lack empathy/concern. Immediately after the stroke, I'm sure my grandfather just languished in his wheelchair. I asked if anyone came over and helped him with physical therapy, but nobody did. They all look and see an old gentleman in a wheelchair, and just assume that it's "normal". There was no concerted effort to get him up on his feet so that he could recover his strength and walk again. I believe that nobody wanted to spend their time and energy helping him, and didn't really perceive a need.

Unfortunately, that was his one and only opportunity to leave the rehab facility. After sitting in a chair all day, moving from wheelchair to bed and back, it's no surprise at all after one year that he now lacks the strength to walk or stand up by himself.

I blame myself mostly for letting these events unfold. I failed to speak up, and more importantly, I failed to take time out of my schedule to help him. As I wrote earlier - I've seen dramatic recoveries before, and I'm quite certain that had I helped him with physical training he would've been walking and home by now. As it is, it's now much too late, and he's pretty much stuck in the rehab facility.

I really should visit him more often.